I Miss You So Much!!!!

5 July,2009

The First Week Of School Had Just Ended. I was so happy to be back in school. I'm ready for the final lap of my secondary school years. Four more weeks to my preliminary examinations and frankly speaking, I am not ready. There are some topics from every subject that I am seriously weak in. I made a commitment to myself to study extra hard. I told to myself that I cannot screw this up. This year was indeed the worse of the worse years. This year is the worse year that i ever had in my entire life. So many things happened to me. I really didn't know why. I always think that it is a retribution. :)

I just had my mathematics paper mock exam last saturday. The paper was last year O levels paper which I sat for. Frankly speaking, the paper wasn't that hard as i thought. I cannot be over confident as i know it always backfires. It happened to me a couple of time. Of course there were some questions that i really totally forgot how to do. The graph question...OMG!!!!...6 marks...Hope i get 1 or 2 marks for my workings. :)
If I didn't do well this time round. I will tell myself not to bring me down. I'll improve instead.I will held my head high. I will do better next time round. I will practice,pratice,practice and practice...

The shocking news I heard : The death of the "KING OF POP" Michael Jackson

Frankly speaking,I did not know Michael Jackson that well. When I was borned, he was already well-known around the world. Whatever the matter is, I loved him. He is one of my inspiration in music. The major thing I liked about him is not about his music. Yes,his music is FANTASTIC but what inspire me was how he used his music to help other people. With his music, he inspire people. He tried to change the world with his songs. He was a true icon. I love him so much. I will always looked to him as my inspiration. He is my religious brother. May He Rest In Peace.

I'm Gonna Miss You Michael Jackson...You Will Always Stay In My Heart.

Love,

(The Man In The Mirror)

Refreshed!

20 June,2009

Fooh!...Its been awhile since I've updated my blog..I can see dust around my blog.hahaha. I've been so emotional lately with all the stress I've encounter these holidays. So many problems came out from nowhere.Always been thinking how to overcome these problems alone but nope.I cannot overcome it alone.I'm not a strong person like you guys you know...Hmmph!...I envy the people who can overcome problems themselves. Of course not all problems I need help. I always feel that I cannot live with that person by my side but now I've realised that she is just a human being like others. Its just me who didn't want to get along with people because I've always think that if I have her I don't need anyone else.Well,situation changed.;) So i have made a reflection on myself on the somethings I never did. Which is treat my classmates well. You can ask them. They dislike me. Hahah. To tell you frankly, I never liked my classmates. No offence guys.. Haha.but that was because I never had a chance to get to know you guys. I've made a promise to myself and to you guys. I promise I'll treat you guys better and I'll get to know you guys better. Its out last year together. I want to make this a great year and I want you guys t remember me for the rest of your lifes.

Thursday Night was a night not to be forgotten this year. Marie Kaylin Wong. That was the name of my classmate in secondary 1. She left for express stream on secondary 3. Frankly speaking, I didn't know her that well. We were only friends. After secondary 3, we stopped talking until this year. One day, she added me at msn. She was the ONE. I was shocked. Nevertheless, we chat. Shared some songs. Illegal songs.HAHA. Then again, we stopped chatting. On monday, I saw her at Lakeshore. Frankly speaking, she got prettier... :p
On thursday night, I called her. We had a wonderful night together. We talked about us. How were we doing these years. She gave me advice. She is now in nursing and the shocking thing is that one of her friends name is HER name. :( I had a great time. Thanks to her,I'm back on my two feet. Her advices really did help. I really owe her. Hehe. She is gone two weeks. Why didn't I notice she was a good friend?..hmmm..

This following week is really tight week. I've been revising my chemistry which i half-suck.Hahaha..

Plans for next week.

Monday--> A day with Farah Atiqah

Tuesday--> Drag Me To Hell With Azwani

Transformers 2 with myself at MIDNIGHT!!!!...:)..Sorry guys... :P

Wednesday-->Transformers 2 Again with Afiq,Azri and Riduwan

Thursday-->Tuition with MRS LEW

Friday-->STUDY!!!

Saturday-->STUDY!!!

Sunday-->STUDY!!!

I Love Them

13 June,2009

I woke up late today.Due to the medication I took just now at 1 am. I'm still stucked with my flu. Everyday I had to go to school for various lesson. Can't seem to ge enough rest. Monday is my bbq. So I will have to get well. I am really lookin forward to this monday. It's been awhile since I have spent time with my classmates. Malays and chinese. My band are going to have a band meet before the bbq I think. On friday was the worse day of this month I think. I was caught with fever. This time,not slight. My temperature was 38.2 . Luckily today it was improve. Friday I had F&N. Started at 8 and Finished around 12.30. I had to tidy up my coursework part A. So ya, was late for friday prayers so we went to Mcdonalds. I had plenty of fun there. We talked crap, joke around as usual. This week I have to call it Mcdonald's week. Almost everyday I ate Mcdonalds for lunch. I love my peeps. The guys. I really love them. They never fail to put a smile on my face when I'm down and mad. Especially Riduwan. They are all the best!

LOVE THEM ALL!!!!!!

Feelings

9 June, 2009
I had to skip my amaths remedial, chemistry practical lesson and F&N remedial today. I am still sick. Flu, cough, sorethroat and slight fever. This time,with a heavy headache. I was trying to go school but failed. I cannot even walk to my house door. Its so heartache. I feel so guilty missing my extra lessons today. Speaking of my guilty, yes people...I am a guilty person...
I always feel guilty when I do something wrong. Why???...Because I know what's right and what's wrong. Some people know they do something wrong but they don't feel guilty. Which is worse?Doing something wrong and not feel guilty or Do something wrong and feel guilty?You be the judge.

Yes. I have to admit I consistently do something wrong,stupid and break people heart and feel guilty consistently. That I have to say its my fault. Sometimes I feel that it is a habit of mine. Somtimes, it is just my feelings. Feeling angry, mad, sad, disappointed intends to make us do something without thinking. These feelings sometimes we can't control them. When we are so mad with that person, we intend to say harsh things that will eventually hurt them and their feelings. That's what I've learnt from my personal experiences. Then again, I know what I did was wrong and I will always feel guilty when I hurt and made this person very mad which I never intend to do.

This person knows me very well and this person also knows that. People say I'm a jerk,mean and not a kind-hearted person. I have to agree with what that. I have done many wrong wrong things. I talk back at my friends, insult them from the back, make jokes about them, hurt their feelings, call them names. Hey, that's me when I am mad,frustrated,disappointed towards that person. You can ask around..Have I ever hurt people purposely???...Let them be the judge.Its only when I don't like that person because He or She Did something bad that affects me and my feelings. Something which make me angry,frustrated or disappointed. If not, I would not do such things. I am a very bad person in the past. That's true. I've learnt from my previous mistakes and I never repeat it again. Mean??..Everyone is mean...Then again, our feelings made us mean. When we are angry we intend to be mean and hurt others. I was one of them. When I was backstabbed, I intend to be mean because of my anger. It is also my fault that I didn't control my anger but pardon me,sometimes how hard we try to control our feelings,we failed.

I have done many many many terrible things which I regret. How much I wish I could turn back time and take back what I did in the past. If God could let us go back in time, our future will always be changing and people will not learn their lesson.The wrong things we did should be a lesson to us and learnt from it and use it for our future. Things that have happen cannot be undone. How I wish I could be a better person..A better bestfriend,A useful bestfriend,A responsible Bestfriend.I always let people down. The people closest to me...I'm ashamed to even look at them,talk to them.The things that I have done really have change their good impression of me. Just because of MY FEELINGS,The person I Cherish,Love,Teasure The Most Starting To Hate Me.Distance Away From Me.Disgust me.I Have Myself To Blame For What's Happening Right Now...I Just Have To Change. I'm Just Afraid Of Loosing That Person.

THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED CANNOT BE UNDONE.

True

Ryan Cabrera

I won't talk

I won't breathe

I won't move till you finally see

That you belong with me

You might think I don't look

But deep inside

In the corner of my mind

I'm attached to you

I'm weak

It's true

Cause I'm afraid to know the answer

Do you want me too?

Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life

To cross this line

To the only thing that's true

So I will not hide

It's time to try

Anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

You don't know what you do

Everytime you walk into the room

I'm afraid to move

I'm weak

It's true

I'm just scared to know the ending

Do you see me too?

Do you even know you met me?

I know when I go

ill be on my way to you

The way that's true

I've waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing that's true

So I will not hide

It's time to try anything to be with you

All my life I've waited

This is true

(True By Ryan Cabrera)

Bad To Worse

7th June,2009
My Sickness is going from bad to worse.I'm having flu plus running nose plus fever.What's wrong with my body dude?I don't understand. I don't wanna go to the doctor as it is really useless. They will just give me the same exact medication I am eating now. Really, I need to get well real soon. Because monday I have Chemistry,F&N and an appointment with Mrs Lam. I cannot miss that man. I am looking forward to that. The song is still on going. I am still writing the song eventhough Im dead sick. So so so so so sick. I want to go out today!!!!...hmmm...Guess I will be stucked at home all day long...How I wish kristen bell was here...hahaha..she could take care of me...She is so hot yknw...i really love her so much....I love her more than adam lambert...hahahaha....I really can't wait to end secondary school life...I am really looking forward the DPA...I wanna go into Music And Audio Technology..A Promise I Made To Myself,If I Got In To That Course,Nothing Will Come Between Me And My Studies....

Sick!

5th June,2009

Today was a fun and tiring day for me. Woke up in the morning with a nose blockage. I was suffering from a flu plus sorethroat. My nose is really irritates me. Kept blocking my air. Damn it!..However,I still went out for my prayers plus I watched Hannah Montana THE MOVIE!!!!...

Frankly speaking,I never liked HannaH Montana and Miley Cyrus...I really didnot know why I watched but,I didnot regret it. For thr first time,I liked the show and miley cyrus.She was cute and her song was nice too.I liked the part when the lead singer from Rascal Flatts sang a song. It melted me away inthe cinema. Tears was flowing.HeHe...Enjoyed the movie so damn much! My favourite song was "you'll always find your way back home"It was so freakin' awesome.I rate 4 star for that show.Still,nothing can beat Star Trek..Hehe..Perhaps Transformers 2 maybe?.Or Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince?.

Upcoming Movie To watch:

Finally Its Done!

3rd June,2009
Woke up early as usual today. Had my amaths remedial at 8am. It lasted one and half hour. After that, shafie and I accompanied Tian Ci to go cut his hair at the "gay" saloon. ;-)
It was his unlucky day as the "gay" was not working just now. Instead, a woman whom i never saw before there cut his hair. Everything was fine except,HIS SIDEBURN... It was like so damn short. :) Then when back to shafie house and watched love matters. It was damn funny. My favourite scene was when an indian security guard spoke mandarin.Hehehe...After that, we headed to school. I have F&N,again.Then,the fun begins...
Finally,the video is done.People, here is another video i make about the movie Made Of Honor. You may know the real story and the real happy ending...I'm sorry I have to say this,REALITY,HAPPY ENDING NEVER EXIST.So,here's an different ending to this movie.Enjoy! :-)

^^

Made Of Honor

2nd June,2009

I spent half of the day in school. I had to wake up at 9am to go for my english consultation which started at 10am. After my consultation, I went to compose my new song with the help of Mr lee. From 12pm to 2.30pm, shafie and I were in school playing some crappy music.^^We were damn tired and at 2.30pm,we have to do our O level F&N coursework. Oh how I feel that time could pass faster. I wish I could skip these few months and just go to my o levels. Day by day, we are getting further apart. The end of us is coming real soon. She may not see it but I could see. She could remember his birthday in advance. Why can't she remember mine?...That is the big (?)...

I miss mrs lam.She was supposed to be with us to compose our song but she was stucked at home with flu,cough and sorethroat. Get well soon Mrs Lam ;-) Will be seeing you next monday. :) I've done with my sex drive music video. Next, I am going to do a music video on Made Of Honor. One of my favourite movies. So, don't forget to watch it. Will post as soon as possible.

June 1st,2009
It was my malay examination today. I had to wak up early to go to school and take a malay dictionary from my cikgu. I left home around 6.45 and reached school around 7.30. I was super early so I took my breakfast. My paper started at 8.30. End at 12.41. Its a two paper examination. After that, went to shafie house to rehearse a song for teacher's day. Then we made two songs which like just came out on my mind. Didn't finish the mee bandung.:) Sorry shafie. Went home around 4 and slept until 7. Did my prayers and continue on my video. I took me 6 and a half hours t complete this video. People who have watched sex drive may know this story. I twisted it to make a different ending. So people,ENJOY! ;-)

Bored

May 31st,2009.

I woke up around 11am. The first thing I did was switching on my vaio laptop. Its just my habit to do that. Every morning, I would repeat the same thing. Last night, I slept late due to entertainment. I watched a couple of movies such as Catch & Release, Yes Man and Virgin Territory. I got that frm Shafie's external hardrive. After bathe and breakfast, I went back to writing songs again. Some of the songs that I wrote are really nice but some are just crap. Eveyday without fail,I will sit infront of my piano and play some chords and just dumped in words. After doing that, I continued watching movie. This time was sex drive. I really love that show not because of the "sex" but the storyline of the movie. The show was so touching about these three bestfriends going on a roadtrip and when one of them fall for their bestfriends. Its a great movie. After watching that, I was bored. So, I decided to create my own blog. I said to myself "why not right?". So here I am. Blogging about what I did the whole day. ;)